Stupid Monitors. Stupid Doctors. Stupid everything. I can’t believe Elena’s even fucking in here. She fucking turned. No doctor can help her now-
No. I can’t think that. I can’t think that she-
I can’t believe I wasn’t there to help her. I can’t believe I- she- drowned, and I didn’t even help her…
“You couldn’t have done anything Damon, now stop beating yourself up.” Stefan woefully repeats for the millionth time, though I pretty sure his grim frown is trying it’s best to stop from smiling. Of course the righteous bastard’s happy. Elena chose him.
“Look Stefan, I’m stressing over Elena, okay? And I don’t need your damn pity, remorse, or whatever that thing is you do to try and help people out. I just want Elena out of here, and you’re right I couldn’t have done anything, because I was too busy saving everyone else’s ass. But you Stefan, you could have saved her. Yet you had to go and save that lame ass Matt, because that’s what Elena wanted-” I start to breathe heavily, and I can feel that my eyes are turning pitch black. I couldn’t tell, or care, if it was because of hunger or because of anger, but my voice caused the nosy people in the hospital to start staring. It was not my fault that my voice started raising at my holier than thou dumbass brother. He let her die. He is the reason Elena’s in here in the first place. He is the one Elena chose…
“Damon, I’m going to pretend like you’re not threatening me, because I can tell how hungry and upset you are,” Stefan breathed. So it was both? Hmm. Interesting combination, he’s probably scared out of his wits. No wonder he’s trying to calm me down. “Why don’t you get something to eat?”
I roll my eyes. Leave Elena? Are you fucking nuts?
“Why don’t you get something to eat brother?” I squint my eyes and smirk. “Because we all know if there’s anyone here who’s gonna start feasting on the humans in a couple of seconds, it’s you.”
“Save it, Stefan.” I turn around to stare at Elena, through the clear glass window, as she defenselessly lies on the hospital bed. She’s even more beautiful when she sleeps.
Stefan’s loud ass sigh interrupts my thoughts.
“Look Stefan, I don’t mean to be rude.” I sigh back, and turn around to face him. His condescending look transforms into an exhausted one as I meet him at eye level. “I-I’m just worried and angry. But nothing else. Go get your food, I’ll wait here. Elena’s been like this for 3 days, and it’s not likely that she’ll wake up soon, you heard the doctor.”
“Stefan, don’t worry. Even if she wakes up and you’re not here, she already chose, I told you. It’ll always be you.” I smirk, but what I pulled off would barely portray itself as a smile, let alone reach my eyes. I tried my hardest to pretend like I didn’t care, and in reality I didn’t.
I just want her to be happy. Oh, and alive, yeah definitely alive.
“Damon, you know that’s not what I’m afraid of. And about the deal-“ his voice trails off.
That deush bag wants to bring up the deal now?! Is this a fucking joke?
“I already made up my mind Stefan. I’m leaving indefinitely.” Bonnie walks past us, enters Elena’s room, leaves the door open, and sits down in the chair on the left of Elena. She seems to ignore us entirely as Stefan pretends to protest against my leaving.
“Damon, you don’t have to go. I don’t think that’s what Elena would want.”
“Yeah well, as much as I hate to admit it, it wasn’t my choice Stefan. I made a deal and I’m a man of my word. I won’t waste away here and make it harder than I’ve already made it for you. I tried fair and square and she didn’t want me, but I’m not gonna stay here and continue to make things awkward.” I shake my head at the thought and smirk again as I see Stefan look down at his feet and cross his arms, trying to pretend he’s upset. Jeez, could he make it any more obvious that he’s trying to hide his smile? He must be loving every second of this. I glance for a second at Bonnie, and I see that’s she’s not at Elena anymore, she’s gazing off into oblivion, or pretending to. The girl’s eavesdropping? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
“Damon, you should eat.” Stefan rehashes our previous argument.
“I will Stefan, as soon as you”, I poke his chest, “get back.” I smirk. “Remember, I gotta look out for you baby bro. Not the other way around. But your consideration is duly noted.”
“Damon-“ Stefan hesitates, but I can tell by his panting that he’s already accepted my proposal.
“Go, Stefan. Don’t worry, Bonnie’s here to keep me in check anyway.” I wave him off and turn around again to watch Elena. Bonnie looks up as her name was called, and I simply smile devilishly and wave at her. She rolls her eyes in disgust. She knows she wants me.
Stefan sighs in defeat and slumps away from me. But inside I know he can’t wait to pass the hallway so he can super speed run his way out of here.
Elena’s not breathing, but I’m not alarmed. It’s weird not being able to hear her heartbeat, but I know that it’s normal. She’s transitioning, and since she’s the doppleganger, Dr. Fell, Stefan, and I are completely mindfucked as to what’s gonna happen to her. We have no idea if her transition would be just as normal as other humans, or if it will be completely different. Her completed transition could take anywhere from an hour to a month.
Man, this really sucks. I wish she would just smile. I wish she would just freaking blink. I wish she would just do something. I can’t stand seeing her this way. If she would just flinch, I would start packing my stuff to go-
“Are you really leaving?” Bonnie interrupts my precious thoughts as she stands up and walks towards me.
“Well,” I smirk. “I can believe that you would kill your best friends boyfriend to save an evil deush bag named Klaus” I laugh. “But eavesdropping Bonnie? There’s something I’m simply shocked to discover.” My eyebrows dance and my lips transition into a teasing grin, and she simply rolls her eyes at my sarcasm.
“Just answer the damn question Damon.” She sighs as she moves to stand right in front of me, and closes the door without shutting it entirely. Her forehead is wrinkling, almost as if she’s worried.
I hesitate to answer as I study her facial expressions, but finally give up when I realize I just don’t give a fuck as to why she cares if I leave.
“Yes, I am.”
“Well that I believe is none of your business.” I reply, seeming slightly amused, but wondering more about the monotone sound of the heartbeat monitor from above us, then her reaction.
“Damon cut the crap, just tell me. I already heard about you’re little deal with Stefan, I’m just wondering why you would agree to such a dumb thing.” She rolls her eyes.
“What do you mean?” I respond, somewhat curious to what she meant by ‘dumb’.
“I mean-”, she looks away from me as she decides how to explain herself. “I mean the Damon I know wouldn’t just leave town because he didn’t get the girl. You love her, why would you just give up? Why are you leaving her just ‘cause she didn’t choose you this time?” Her eyebrows are raised, and I smile.
“Maybe because everything’s not about her? Maybe I’m the one who’s tired of this whole little game. I’m a free man, and maybe I just want to enjoy my freedom with the beautiful women this great big world has to offer. I mean, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to go around the world and find a few sexy sirens here and there who want me, I’m sure they’ll love me.”
“Don’t act like that Damon.” Bonnie stenly replies, you can tell she’s barely slept and she’s zero bullshit tolerant right about now. So instinctively I decide to push her anyway.
“Act like what Bonnie?” I sneer.
“Damn it, Damon, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re acting like you don’t care, when you know this whole situation is killing you. I bet that you’re not even leaving for yourself. I’ll bet you’re leaving because you think that’s what’s gonna make her happy.” Bonnie started her statement heated, but as she recognized my shocked reaction, she ended her sentence with a sigh.
I hesitate whether or not to answer. Do I really give a fuck what Bonnie thinks? Well, maybe not. But I decide to explain myself anyway.
“Bonnie you don’t get it.” I seriously sigh. “Who cares if I’m not leaving for me? Who cares if I’m leaving for Elena? Everyone knows that life would be better like that way anyways. I lost my best friend, I never had the girl. There’s nothing left for me here and everybody knows it. You’re right that I love Elena with all my being, but that’s the exact reason why I need to stay away from her. I want her to be happy. I’ve always wanted her to be happy-” My voice trails off as I begin to think of the first time Elena and I met and I compelled her to find happiness. “I don’t want her to see me every day and feel awkward because she never loved me. I want her to be happy, and she decided that her happiness is with Stefan. And I’m okay with that.”
“Even if that means you don’t get to see her again?” Bonnie looks at me incredulously, as if she had just seen an alien.
I begin to look at Elena again, and as Bonnie finishes her sentence I begin to regret my decision.
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take, yeah.” I pause and shake my head as I wave off all previous and stupid thoughts of regret. “I love her Bonnie, but if my happiness interferes with hers then-“ I shrug.
“Wow.” Bonnie looks at me, bewildered. She’s looking at me as if she’s just now learning that I was a vampire.
“She’s gonna be a vampire now, what happens if she goes off the deep end or something.”
“Stefan’s gonna be there Bonnie, he’ll keep her safe.”
As I say it, I immediately recognize the error of my words. He better keep her safer than he did just now. I look at Bonnie and quickly smile as I recognize my same thoughts passing through her head.
“Don’t worry, worst case scenario we bring in this witch who, you know, has this power to give vampire these killer headaches-” I laugh and stops as she joins me.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I might actually-” she gulps. “Miss you.”
“Yeah, yeah I know you will.” I smile, face Elena again, and push my forehead on the cold glass window as she punches my shoulder softly.
“When are you leaving?”
“I’m not really sure, I guess it depends. Probably before she wakes up. Or maybe as soon as she does.”
“Why so soon?”
“I think her and Stefan will need some alone time as she starts developing her vampire personality. When vampires first turn they have very intense emotions and-“ I pause, shuddering at the thought. “Let’s just say Stefan should be the only one who helps her get through those emotions.”
“Oh,” Bonnie slowly nods as she understands, it’s obvious that she’s uncomfortable with this. “Can I ask you something?” Bonnie asks as she glances back and forth from Elena to me.
“That is what you’ve been doing since you started this interrogation, so I don’t see why not.”
“What happens if Elena doesn’t feel the same way when she’s done with this transition thing.”
I shift uncomfortably.
“What do you mean?” I grunt, attempting to get rid of the pestering lump in my throat.
“Like what if she’s- different? What if she wants to choose differently?” Bonnie looks at me inquisitively.
I gaze at her seriously and find myself speechless.
“That wouldn’t happen.” I shake my head.
I can’t afford to think that way. Katherine and Elena will always want Stefan, it will never be me. I refuse to get my hopes up again-
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so nosy.” Bonnie shakes her head.
“Don’t worry about it.” I attempt to fake my best smile, which was obviously not convincing because she quickly looks away from me.
“I’m gonna go. I thought she might be awake at this time, but I guess not. It’s like 4 and I told Caroline I’d go to lunch with her-“ she slurs her last words.
As if she had to explain her life’s plans to me.
I nod at her and she awkwardly turns around and walks away. Finally, I am left to gaze at my beloved Elena.
I sit down on a chair outside of her room, right next to her door, and crack the door a little wider open. Still no sound from her. Damn it.
As time passed, I began to concentrate on the flurry of the hospital. For a 5 o’ clock on a Tuesday, this place was packed. Why were so many people getting injured lately? Jeez. Nurses and doctors were running back and forth from the hallway in front of me and as I intently concentrated on trying to hear some form of sound come from Elena, but all that would fill my super ear drums was the sound of hundreds of heart monitors, whispers, and telephone calls, and the occasional ambulance alarm. This is fucking Mystic falls, since when is the hospital a more happening place then the Grill?
“Damon…Damon!” I suddenly hear the most familiar and beautiful voice begin to whisper. Who’s calling me?
Holy Fucking Shit! It’s Elena! She’s fucking awake!!!
I ran to her and almost tripped over my shoe because I was so excited.
She was shaking her head slowly side to side on her bed as she squinted her eyes as if in severe pain.
“Elena!” I yell.
“Damon,” she breathes and gulps, her pale skin looks cold and I just want to hug her. “Damon,” she mutters.
“Shh. I’m here.” I pet her forehead and hair with my right hand, as I instinctively grab her right hand with my left. I couldn’t help but grin ridiculously as she attempted to open her eyes.
“Damon, why didn’t you-” she paused. I couldn’t bear her to continue, it seemed as if it was taking every fiber of her being to produce these words.
“It’s alright Elena, you can tell me later.” I continue holding her right hand with my left, and I move my right hand to her cheek and softly caress her.
“No, Damon. Tell me, why you did it?” She whispered, now she’s fully staring at me, except her eyes are only half open.
“Did what?” I whisper so lowly, I thought she wouldn’t hear me.
“Why did you compel me-” she gulped. “to forget. To forget that I met you-” she breathed again. “first.” A slight smile touches her lips as she repeats this. Anger sweeps through her again as she starts anew. “And to forget that you told me you-you loved me.”
Oh fuck. She remembers that?